5 Tried & Tested Tips for How To Make Friends in a New City: How I Built a Social Circle After Moving Abroad

Discover 5 proven tips on how to make friends in a new city. Learn mindset shifts, avoid common mistakes, and build lasting friendships as an adult. Plus, my story about how I rebuilt my social circle after moving abroad.

Are you moving to a new city or abroad? How exciting! Congratulations! Whether you’ve relocated due to a job, partner, or school you might be feeling a little bit nervous about starting over – especially when it comes to how to make friends in a new city.

Leaving your old social circle behind and starting anew can feel a bit daunting but it doesn’t have to be! With these tried and tested ways to make friends as an adult, your social calendar will be full in no time! 

When thinking about how you’re going to approach making friends in a new city, you might find yourself thinking back to the last time you had to build a new social group. Unlike during childhood or college, where collecting friends was as easy as collecting stickers or trading cards, forming new friendships as an adult requires a bit more effort and intentionality.

Adulthood brings some new challenges such as packed calendars, family commitments, and more structured work schedules which can lead to fewer opportunities to meet new people. I’m not going to tell you that making friends as an adult is easy, but with a little bit of effort, it’s totally doable and incredibly rewarding. 

In this guide, we’re sharing tried and tested tips for how to make friends in a new town, mindset shifts, and common mistakes to avoid. So whether you’re new in town or just looking to spice up your social life, these actionable steps will help you meet new and interesting people and build bonds that last a lifetime. 

So without further ado, let’s dive into our best tips for how to make friends in a new city.

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The Science of Why Friendships Are So Important

Considering you’ve already found yourself here reading about how to make friends as an adult, we’re guessing you already know why friendships are so important. But, there is fascinating new research on the topic that we just wanted to take a second to highlight. 

Friendships serve two major benefits in our lives. First, they enrich your life. In fact, social relationships are one of the biggest predictors of happiness. Your level of satisfaction with your friendships can actually be used as a predictor of your overall life satisfaction and well-being.

“People who value social relationships are more likely to be happy than those who value achievements in other life domains, such as education and career.”

National Library of Medicine, The Keys to Happiness

Secondly, did you know that good friends are good for your health? Adults with strong social relationships have a reduced risk of many different types of health problems such as depression, high blood pressure, and an unhealthy BMI. So much so that older adults who have more meaningful relationships outlive their less social counterparts.

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Curious to learn more? Check out The Happiness Lab podcast about The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult.

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Why It’s Hard to Make Friends In a New City

Figuring out how to make friends as an adult is hard enough but when you move to a new city and need to start from scratch, it adds another layer of difficulty. When you’re a kid or in school, you are constantly surrounded by people with similar interests and lifestyles.

Unfortunately, adulthood doesn’t have quite as many built-in opportunities to make friends. If you’ve uprooted your life and moved somewhere new, there’s so much to look forward to but you don’t have the same familiar faces and established social connections nearby. There are a couple of reasons why making friends in a new city can feel so daunting:

• Packed Calendars: Adulthood comes with all kinds of responsibilities from working to managing family life and finding time for hobbies. If you’re facing a busy schedule, you are not alone. The people around you are probably feeling the same way.
• Fewer Opportunities to Meet New People: In school or university, meeting new people is a part of everyday life but once you’ve settled into your routines, you might find yourself with fewer opportunities to meet new people. When we stick to what’s familiar we can limit our exposure to new people. 
• Fear of Rejection: As we get older, the fear of rejection seems to get bigger. Just think about how courageous kids are when approaching new peers. The fear of being turned down can feel more intense in adulthood because we’re so tuned into subtle social cues. It might be this limiting fear that is holding you back.
• Pre-Established Groups: When you’ve lived somewhere for a long time, you are more likely to have an established social circle and a calendar stacked with social commitments. This can be a hard thing to break into when you are new in town and are fighting for space on someone’s already packed social calendar. 

While this may sound like an insurmountable battle for new connections, it’s important to remember that although it takes some intentional effort, making new friends at any stage of life is totally possible and totally worth it! 

The good news is that there are several proven ways to get past the obstacles and make friends in a new city in no time.

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How to Cultivate the Right Mindset for Making Friends in a New City

Before we get into the practical tips and tricks for making friends, we first need to take a look inward and talk about mindset. Your attitude toward expanding your social network can make all the difference when it comes to making friends in a new town. It’s important to acknowledge that for the most part, friendships don’t happen by accident – they take intentionality and willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. 

So here are 4 helpful mindset shifts as you embark on the journey of rebuilding your social circle. 

1. Make Space in Your Head, Heart, & Calendar

Making new friends requires time, emotional availability, and openness. You might find yourself really busy and maybe even a little overwhelmed after moving to a new city, but if you’re committed to forming new connections, you need to hold space in your head, heart, and calendar.

• Head: Stay positive and committed to your long-term goals. Don’t let small obstacles and setbacks derail you from establishing life-long friendships. 
• Heart: You might find yourself constantly reminiscing about your friends back home but it’s important to be emotionally available to possible new connections. 
• Calendar: Just like flowers require water to grow, you must nurture your friendships and that takes time. Carve out space in your weekly agenda to dedicate to this goal.

2. Keep an Open Mind (especially in the beginning!)

It’s easy to approach every social encounter with a mindset of pre-judgment. Maybe you’re even comparing every new person you meet to your friends back home, but keeping an open mind is essential when making new friends, especially in the beginning. If you meet someone who may not seem like a perfect fit, stay curious, you never know where that connection may lead you. 

If you’re starting your social life from scratch, it’s important to say yes to invitations even if they might be a little different than what you’re used to. 

3. Act from a Place of Abundance, Not Scarcity

You’ve probably heard about a mindset of abundance before but maybe you haven’t thought of applying it to your social life. Being intentional about your beliefs is the first step. You must believe that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections, or that your next best friend is waiting around the corner.

This positive outlook will prevent you from coming across as desperate or settling for things that don’t suit you. If this feels like a struggle, try reminding yourself of some positive affirmations such as: 

“I am open to new people who will enrich my life.”
“I attract positive and supportive people into my life.”
“I am worthy of deep, fulfilling friendships.”
“I release any fear or hesitation about putting myself out there.”
“Each day brings new opportunities to meet interesting and kind people.”

By approaching social situations with an abundant mindset, you will come across as more welcoming and confident and in turn attract more people. 

Curious to learn more about cultivating a positive mindset? Check out our 37 Morning Affirmations for Positive Thinking. It includes a free downloadable checklist you can print for easy reference. 

3. Ask for Favors (The Psychology of Bonding) 

This sounds totally counterintuitive but did you know that asking someone for a favor can actually increase the bond that person feels toward you? Yep, you heard that right. Asking someone for something can make them feel closer to you. It’s known as the Ben Franklin effect.

So here’s how to put it into practice:

• Resist the fear of asking for help or advice. Whether it’s local recommendations or a small favor, asking a new acquaintance for something can foster a deeper sense of connection between the two of you.
• Return the favor. Making an effort to show gratitude and return the kindness is a great way to continue to build that bond.

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5 Tried & Tested Tips for How to Make Friends in a New City

Okay, now that we’ve laid the groundwork, it’s time to get into our proven tips for making friends in a new city.

Here are 5 strategies, along with actionable steps, that you can take to build a brand new social circle and feel more at home in your new city.

1. Join! Join! Join!

The best and fastest way to make friends as an adult is to join communities, groups, and clubs. This can mean so many different things from joining a co-working space to a book club or a sports league. 

If you have access, we highly recommend checking out a female friendship platform such as After5 or & The Table. They facilitate curated meetup events for women in different cities around the world. You simply apply for an event, most often a dinner, and get matched with other women who have never met before for an evening of conversation and community building.

If you’ve moved abroad you can also check out Girls Gone International. Organized through Facebook groups, Girls Gone International connects women in cities all around the world and offers many different kinds of events and meetups.  

Action Steps:

• Join a couple of online communities such as Facebook groups or Reddit threads specific to your new city or neighborhood. Introduce yourself and block some time to participate each week.
• Find an in-person club or group related to your hobbies or personal interests. Look for an event to join and sign up! 

2. Check Out Some Fun Classes

Another hack that will help you connect with people in your new city is to take classes. Whether it’s a language course, a pottery workshop, yoga teacher training, or something else you are curious to learn about, enrolling in a several-week or several-month course is a great way to see some familiar faces. 

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Action Steps: 

• Sign up for a class or course in a topic area that excites you. Set yourself a goal of striking up a conversation with at least one other student each session. 
• Make a point of introducing yourself to the instructor or teacher during your first class. This effort to break the ice will make future interactions easier. 

Looking for some inspiration for your next class or course? Check out this list of 23 Fun Hobbies for Women in Their 20s.

3. Nurture Existing Connections

Even if you feel totally alone, I’m willing to bet that a couple of friendly acquaintances have already made their way into your life. One of the best tips for how to make friends in a new city is just to be open and friendly to the people around you. Whether that be your co-workers, neighbors, or local barista, start with a friendly conversation starter and continue to nurture those relationships in the ways that seem appropriate. These people are often great starting points and can even introduce you to other people they know.

Action Steps:

• Take the initiative and invite a coworker for coffee or lunch and use it as an opportunity to get to know them on a personal level. Stay consistent and you never know what could come of the relationship.
• Be bold and invite a new neighbor over for dinner. Even if it may feel a little forward, fostering a friendly relationship with neighbors can be a great way to feel more connected to your new city and kick off future socialization. 

4. Start a Weekly or Monthly Themed Get-Together

This one takes a little effort but we promise that it will be fully worth it. Hosting a weekly or monthly-themed get-together is an excellent way to cultivate a strong social circle. Having a fun and unique get-together is a great excuse to dole out invites whenever the opportunity arises. Have a quick conversation with someone after yoga class? Why not invite them to this month’s cookbook club night? Curious to get to know a co-worker better outside of work? Invite them to your weekly poker night. Plus, it’s a great way to get to know your friends or acquaintance’s friends. 

Action Steps:

• Pick a theme that sparks your interest. It could be anything from a fantasy book club to a wine-tasting night or even a board game evening. Choose a schedule and put it on the calendar. 
• Start with inviting the people that you do know and offer to host a friend of theirs as well. As you have social interactions leading up to the event, continue to invite those you’re interested in getting to know better. 

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5. Volunteer for a Cause That Speaks to You

Volunteering is an excellent way to make friends as an adult. You can be sure that you’ll meet other compassionate and like-minded people and give back to your community at the same time. From local animal shelters to women’s organizations and food banks, there are lots of options available no matter where you are. 

Action Steps:

• Research some causes that you care about and reach out to ask about volunteering opportunities. 
• Once you’re there, commit to introducing yourself to at least three new people whether that be other volunteers or coordinators.

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What Not to Do When Trying to Make Friends in a New City

While there is no one-size-fits-all right way how to make friends in a new city, there are a few common mistakes that can be easily avoided. We recommend keeping these on your do-not-do list throughout your friend-making mission.

1. Don’t Say No Twice

Having a healthy and balanced social life involves knowing and setting boundaries but in the beginning, it’s important to be flexible and show interest in those making an effort with you. After all, we all have to overcome our fear of rejection when inviting others to our plans so we don’t want to make others feel rejected too often. We like the “don’t say no twice in a row” rule. All it means is that you should try not to turn down invites too frequently because you can unintentionally signal disinterest. 

Why to Avoid: When you decline invites too often, no matter if your reasons are valid or not, you can shut the door to future plans.

What to Do Instead: If you need to say no, no problem, just make the extra effort to be available when the next invite comes around. 

2. Don’t Involve Your Partner Too Early

If you’re in a healthy relationship, then it can be tempting to invite your best friend everywhere you go. However, having your partner around can inhibit your ability to be vulnerable and connect on a one-on-one basis. In the beginning of new relationships, it’s important to be mindful and nurture that bond on an individual basis.

Why to Avoid: Inviting your partner changes the group dynamic and can make it harder to form a deep vulnerable bond with a new friend. Be mindful of when it’s appropriate to invite your partner and when it’s better to show up alone.  

What to Do Instead: Prioritize your one-on-one connections first. Once you feel like you’ve built a solid rapport, then open the door to group hangs with your partner. This will also give your partner a chance to make new friends and bring them into the circle.

3. Don’t Be Too Picky in the Beginning

When making friends as an adult, it’s easy to compare new connections to your old friends and be overly judgemental in the early stages. However, it’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt and air on the side of open-mindedness in the beginning. If you start with a really harsh filter, it will make building your circle that much more difficult. First impressions only count for so much and you never know where things could go or who they could introduce you to!

Why to Avoid: If you’re overly selective, you’ll miss out on meeting people who you could become closer to over time. Plus, even if you’d quite have that perfect fit with someone, they may be able to introduce you to others.
What to Do Instead: Give people a chance and get to know all kinds of people. Friendships can grow in totally unexpected ways!

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How to Maintain Long-Distance Friendships

Just because you might not be close to your old friends doesn’t mean you need to leave them behind. Long-distance friendships can still be meaningful and provide all kinds of benefits, they just require different strategies to keep them strong. Here are some tips to maintain your bond no matter how many miles are between you:

• Get a Regular Check-In on the Calendar: Whether you make a mental note to call on your way home from work or have a shared calendar block for your weekly Facetime, setting a recurring cadence keeps the relationship a priority even with busy schedules. 
• Continue to Experience New Things Together: Physical separation doesn’t mean you can’t experience new things together. Start a long-distance tradition like reading the same books or even using the same adult coloring book and sharing your artwork. 
• Create New Traditions for Birthdays and Holidays: Don’t forget to keep track of important dates so that you can celebrate your friend’s birthday, holidays, or special milestones. Even though you might not be able to be there in person, you can still make your friend feel special. 
• Be Patient: If you’re used to a certain way of maintaining your bond it can be hard to make such a big shift to long-distance. Be patient and understanding with each other while you develop your new ways of connecting. 

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How to Cope with Loneliness in a New City

If you’re used to having a full social calendar, moving to a new city might lead to some feelings of loneliness. This is totally normal and to be expected! That doesn’t make it any easier though. If you’re finding yourself facing these feelings for the first time in a while, you may find these coping strategies helpful. 

• Feel Your Feelings & Practice Self-Care: The first step to processing our feelings is to acknowledge that they are there and give them a label. Next time you are feeling lonely, just take a moment to be present with your feelings. If you’re interested in learning more about emotional self-care check out our guide here. 
• Lean on Your Support System: Even though you might be far from home, your old friends and family are always just a call away. Maintaining these important relationships, distance or not, can be incredibly helpful in coping with loneliness.
• Build a New Routine: Moving can leave us feeling totally disoriented but it’s important to build a new routine as soon as possible. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to creating your ideal schedule but we have some tips here with 13 powerful habits that will improve your life. 

Interested in learning more? Check out our guide on Emotional Self-Care. It covers everything from the 9 basic emotional needs and how to address them to many ideas for practicing self-care. 

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My Story

In 2022, my then fiancé and now husband, and I made the big move from Los Angeles to Rotterdam in the Netherlands (with our dog Smelly!) Our first couple of months in the new city were filled with excitement and exploration and we did our best to try new things, meet new people, and put ourselves out there.

I found myself typing “how to make friends in a new city” into Google and followed some of the traditional advice of going to workout classes and local bars but didn’t make any substantial connections. Soon enough, winter hit, and life slowed down. After 8 months in Rotterdam, I still found myself without an established social circle. I was starting to feel the loneliness creep in and was nervous about finding new strategies for making friends that would actually work this time.

At this point, I knew it was time to try something new. I saw an interesting Instagram video about a company that was hosting dinners for 6 women who had never met before and decided to give it a try – even though it scared me a little bit! 

Although I thoroughly enjoyed my first experience, none of the connections stuck but I was encouraged to start hosting my own dinners. Lucky for me, my first group of 5 women totally hit it off and now nearly 2 years later we are still super close as individuals and as a group! 

Not only was my first dinner a success, but so were several others and I am very lucky to now say that I have a wonderful group of friends in Rotterdam!

All of this to say don’t get discouraged if making friends in a new city takes longer than you think! It might feel like you’ve gotten nowhere but things can turn a corner quickly. 

And secondly, from my personal experience, I highly recommend platforms like After5 and & The Table if they are available in your city.

Wishing you all the luck,

A small note for my readers – Over here at VLHhealth, we occasionally include affiliate links in our posts. This means that if you purchase using our links, we will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

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Sources

National Library of Medicine, The relative importance of friendship to happiness increases with age

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10343095/

National Library of Medicine, The keys to happiness: Associations between personal values regarding core life domains and happiness in South Korea

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30625160/

The Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860

Posted By: Victoria · In: wellness